Perception

Stand in front of the mirror.
Do you see yourself?
Or do you see your slightly too-thick curves?
Do you see the purple scars on your thighs
And the way your torso spills over your natural figure?
Look at your face.
Stare into those watery blue eyes
And tell yourself
What a shame it is that you look this way.
Say that you caused it.
That you'd be better
If your skin was darker,
Softer,
Clearer,
Even.
If only you had beefy muscles
Bursting from your glistening
Arms
That move
As you move.
This is your fault.
If only you hadn't gorged yourself
Until you couldn't feel feelings
Anymore.
If only Ben hadn't
Choked you until the pain went away
And Jerry hadn't slapped the logic out of you first.
You disgust me.
I can't look at you.

I can't see you through the curves
You think are ugly.
Through your insecurities.
Through your pain.
Through your past.

Don't let your body control
Who you are.
Let your light shine
Through your body.
Let it burst out of your skin
Instead of your muscles.
Let it blind outsiders until they only
See you.

Because you are
The best thing they could have.

Waiting

I've always been taught to wait.
"Have patience."
"Your time will come."
"Don't worry about it now."
"Just wait."

I'm sick of waiting.
I sit here and expect
Everything to fall into place
On its own.

I sit here,
Waiting for someone to find me.
To know that I'm waiting
For them.

What if we all were to
Sit and wait?
Production would cease,
And we would have nothing.

We would be nothing.

I must stop waiting.
I must seek what I'm
Waiting for.
Perhaps someone is waiting for me.